The Grand Old Party

"Well, you may take my word, that nine parts in ten of a man's sense or his nonsense, his successes and miscarriages in this world depend upon their motions and activities, and the different tracks and trains you put them into, so that when they are once set a-going, whether right or wrong, 'tis not a half-penny matter,--away they go cluttering like hey-go mad;and treading the same steps over and over again, they presently make a road of it, as plain and as smooth as a garden-walk, which, when they are once used to, the Devil himself sometimes shall not be able to drive them off it."  -- Laurence Sterne, Tristram Shandy

Lost in Space

I was writing this rather longish post on here about a week ago when the electricity went out, and of course, being a geek, I just went on with life without complaint, not wanting to admit that I had not saved. :)

I was thinking that I  might have two options here. One, to just admit everywhere I go that I idiotically don't follow what I know is right, or kinda cover it up and pretend it never happened.

Then I started wondering if that was perhaps something someone who is steeped in any belief might wonder. Why was I speeding? Isn't that against the law? Why didn't I just give that guy a dollar who had his hand out and a homemade sign saying he was homeless?

But my antistress training kicks in somewhere here, and I just do not worry about things. I think that perhaps those who have problems with stress just don't know when to quit thinking about something too deeply. I know that my individual problem is worrying about not supplying what another needs, either in my personal life or in my job with its rather generous and broad job description.

I quit a Psychology major because of the same reason: the unspecified. I felt my courses of study to just be too broad and general to be of use in helping individual people. Later they went on to find drugs, so good for them. :)

Meanwhile I somehow ended up in a job that was really amazingly broad and general...

Oh, and on Saturdays.... it is even more out there in space... if this morning was any indication.

Update: it was a great indication.

In Which I Am Red Faced and Forgotten

This is a picture I took of myself in a mirror during the time when I was sick. It seems hard to believe I was so sick and the doctors had no clue. My stomach was the main problem but my face, as seen here, was very red. This was not sunburn. I don't know if there is a medical explanation for this. I had so many symptoms. Dizzyness (which turned out to be my inner ear) and all forms of odd things were happening. All I know is that most of these symptoms are gone now, my problem mainly being caused by the effects of anxiety on my stomach, acid reflux, IBS, etc. I took a number of photos trying to actually get a profile picture so I was actually trying to find a shot that demphasized the redness.

I just ran across this picture while weeding out some files. It is nice to have this momento of a time when I could find no answers and it seemed that all would just continue downhill. Although I am a fairly huge wimp when it comes to illness, I kind of admire the simple fact that I got through this time. I found the right doctor. And as time went by, I have forgotten what my tender to the touch red face even felt like.

The history of me is full of mysteries. My parents died when I was in my early 20's so it has been so long since I had their imput to my early history as a kid. People die all the time and we lose just a little of the history of us each time this happens.

I have taken on a project to put my videotapes on Youtube, indexed on one of my other blogs. Most of this stuff will be boring to all but a few, I suppose. A few things might be interesting to a lot of people. My picture above may be interesting to only me. But I did tape stuff from CNN backhaul feeds, shows that featured the Beatles, a few soap operas, and things that I thought woud be forgotten. I taped them for a reason, I knew that they might just never be saved by someone else.

Real World Dark Knight

Day of mixed feelings. I just assume gun violence as a cultural problem we will never shed. I usually pay just a little attention to the tragedies that I assume will occur on a constant basis. Yes it is gun laws, but it is also very cultural. Yet today, it just seemed so much more heart rending. It reminded me of Mark David Chapman's moment of fame and one of the worst days of my life. To an old man it is terrifying what people find entertaining at the movies and in video games. What was so awful to me today was the description of a very good eyewitness of how long it took people to realize the moment was a real world event and not just a part of a show. We need to change the culture and what we fill our days with.

In which I begin yet again...

The truth has no single beginning or ending. It has lots of them. I am back to my favorite blog. Forget the others. They are but fluff. Here is where the truth comes out. And I begin yet again...

It was an odd day at work today. There were so many people who think in so many different ways. Really, if you get a really good meme going and sort of get people moving in the right direction, I fancy you might get something done. I'm pretty darned positive though, it would be the wrong thing.

For whatever reason, these people are way different. This week's Romney antics make you wonder how the heck this guy is in the position he has come to occupy. How did they get him past the vetting process? Was there a vetting process? Was everyone in the equation just so oddly different from each other that they could not get together and realize this man's public persona is that of Sybil Isabel Dorsett? Flip Flop is not even the right phrase. His is a world where two opposite things can be true at the same time. He is the first candidate that straddles the Fringe universe.

This is happening in my time. Surely not enough time has passed that half the people in America would believe you can retroactively resign from a job.

You see my problem?  Beginning again and again and again. There is no common thread. But after all, this is the truth.