Wednesday, January 21, 2015

Hey Go Mad

I had this terrible ear infection over the weekend. I am used to a bit of tinnitus but this time in addition to the high pitched tone there was also a steady lower tone added to it.

I figured this ringtone upgrade was at least proof that we are not static in our old age but it was extremely worrisome. Today the extra ring is gone but there is still a moderate loss in hearing. I assume this will come back but I am just happy that my extra ringtone was not "Hey Jude." For a few years now, despite the brilliance of the Beatles, I knew that I had reached a point of diminishing returns on the song when I could not wait to get to the next song at Paul McCartney concerts.

If "Hey Jude" does become a ringtone in my ears, I shall quite likely go mad.

Friday, January 9, 2015

Then... I was walking to my car, it hit me. I thought about it for a while and decided it was all pretty much above me. But the next day I was a bit sick. There is not a better time to be depressed.

Then...  as coincidences in time would have it, I opened up the book I had been reading which was "The Critique of Pure Reason."  There it was. The next chapter was about Kant's conception of time.

The world I know is not the world at large. I have  known no criteria for understanding this objective world except my own subjective view and my subjective view of the subjective views of others. Not only did the idea I had as I was walking to the car fit into place but there is no better way to confirm that the world is not just a mishmash than to have a wonderful coincidence. Either my mind was so attuned to Kant from my readings, which I can't believe, or there was just a gigantic coincidence in time.... about time.

The idea I had evolved from two separate sources. One is that I noticed that my friend Ike and I, being born less than a year apart, had a sometimes specific use of words that others do not. He told me that he had not heard a particular word I used in many years: "umbrage." Yet, it was a common word when we were younger together.   

The other source is the old saw that actors and actresses I remember as a child onward are dying off. We both existed in time together.

This made a complete hash of my depression the day before over the world going mad around me. Of course it appears to be going mad to me, because the knowledge I have gained in a lifetime is not the knowledge of those around me. The knowledge I use to understand the world is outdated yet the wisdom... well, I hope there is more of that now.

And compilation of coincidences I have had in my life provides me with the grain of hope that I cling to that might indicate that perhaps.. there is more to this world than meets the eye, especially when one is depressed.

Wednesday, January 7, 2015

Still Descending...

As time has passed, the world around me seems to be tilting more and more towards madness. It actually appears to be a descent, not the swing of a pendulum. I know a bit about chaos theory. The appearance of the disintegration of people and institutions around me might just be shadows on the wall of Plato's cave, but I have my doubts. It feels so real.

Let me try a different approach, I was born in a world that was highly organized to be what it was. Everything about my conscious life was exactly what it was. I had the feeling that, as I grew, I was learning new aspects of a static thing, the world. I was studying a photo of a flickering candle and basing my whole perception of that candle upon the photo.

I had a few classes in psychology, which of course means that I know everything and nothing at the same time. And thus, I am entitled to speak out without you thinking me mad.

I was always fascinated by those schizophrenic cat paintings. I know I have blogged about them before. It is kind of funny that the world eventually appears either to be a descent into madness or perhaps a metamorphosis into something I never had the possibility of understanding.

I do not envy those who think they understand something, like whether there is a God or not. In the end, I envy no one for their knowledge. The unattainable is not worth the trouble.

But I am stuck with a question that seems so utterly obvious. Why is it that it only occurred to me as a Pink Floyd type of lyric? It is a valid question. Was Louis Wain really descending into schizophrenia or was he merely painting the world as it appeared to be, or frankly, as it was?

Monday, January 5, 2015

Restful Socializing

I have been taking a well needed break from the social media sphere. And if it continues to work for me... I might disappear in a blinding flash of