Sleepy

Well, I couldn't sleep much last night so today will be a struggle. At age 56, everything seems a struggle. I never can complain as my wife is older than I. What amazes me sometimes is the fact that age catches up with everybody, but there are those who keep themselves fit and make the struggle less... FOR A WHILE. :)

I have been reading a book on the flaws in evolution theory and a big one is the aging process. If every organism is evolving to make itself better by natural selection, it seems only logical that eventually organisms would live longer. However, they do not improve themselves in this manner. There is a timer that goes off in all animals (except one jellyfish) that says it is time to turn off, predators or not. It is kind of good for the evolutionary process, but terrible for the individual organism. :) Seemingly it is also bad for the species, as more numbers are better than less caused by alarm clocks,

Which reminds me... i am sleepy... and that alarm by my bed just went off. I would be better without it!

Courage

Though the week has been a bad one, today my wife and I drove to visit my brother in the hospital, The day was long but good. Family. Not one thing from the past week mattered in the least and I am back in Auburn in time for work tomorrow. Throughout this past week I have gone through a number of feelings... but self doubt was not among them. I am entitled to mistakes by my limited nature as a human being. Others are entitled to their mistakes.

What a burden doctors carry on their shoulders. Courage. That trait strikes me as being more broad and more important than ever.

Day 3, the humiliation of it all

Fine, I'll do it.

Day 2, the fallout

Nothing can be more cheerful than the fact that I am still here, most of my honor intact. My worklife, today, headed straight downhill... my life, my real life, my feeling of being true to myself, though, is better than ever. I had pent up frustration, and I mean years of pent up frustration, released in a single moment. It wasn't pretty but I survived the fallout.

Tactically, I could have done better, but I have never been good, nor wanted to be good, at tactical maneuvers. I am clothed in honesty... it is not good armor, but it is fulfilling.

Classic Bad Day

It has been coming on for a month. I was sick with near pneumonia, and old as I am, it takes a while to get over it. So, I had a month of working when I was barely able to get out of bed. Cold air was getting to me so I used a heating pad on my chest at night and at work I wore self heating packs designed for achy muscles, except that I used them on my chest. Going to work was made even more difficult by an increased level of problems there. Unresolved problems, that no matter how many times I reported them, continued. The work load snowballed and things got busier anyway until I would have been exhausted with or without my breathing difficulties.

Today things came to a head, although I am over the worst of my lung problems, but I am still damned tired. 

I have seldom had problems with where I work, but today was just the classic bad day. 

What I learned from my lung problems is that, at my age, things snowball. A month without cardiovascular exercise is like a year would have been earlier in my life. And even then, the full consequences are much larger now with old age still dogging my recovery.

I will get through this. One thing that does come with age is wisdom. I'm not saying that wisdom flows automatically in times of need... nope... that surely does not happen. But wisdom after reflection is better than no wisdom at all. :)

Goodbye Facebook

For now, I am abandoning Facebook. Not really much more to be said about it. Too open, too public, too much vulnerability.

Perhaps I will be back sometime. Please note. My blogs are still here. :)   If I ever feel safe again in the wild world the Internet has become. I will be back as normal.